X-Men: The Last Stand

Grade: C+

The Matrix Revolutions, The Godfather Part III, Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, Superman III (remember, the one with Richard Pryor?). Yes, even Return of the Jedi.

Trilogy-itis.

Far too aware of its own tongue-in-cheekiness, too self-conscious of its anti-homophobia battle cry, too much a franchise longing for its creator, this third in the series feels long in the fang and short on transconfiguration. The most intelligent and intriguing of the superhero genre, political and social commentary freely intermingles with scrumptious malevolence and live action heroics, as mutants with uniquely individualized powers battle prejudice and one another to determine the fate of the species. This time around, a “cure” has been discovered, pitting mostly well-meaning but clueless humans against supremacist reactionaries against moderate “why can’t we all just get along” triangulators seeking a better world and a place at the table.

Disappointingly, everyone involved seems rather burdened with the enterprise, from the screenwriters who borrow copiously from other sci-fi conventions (a “Star Trek” holodeck opens the proceedings) to a special effects department heavily relying on yesterday’s innovations (slow-mo “Matrix” photography permeates) to actors who seem genuinely disinterested and mildly embarrassed by it all this time around. Hugh Jackman is dreadfully scowling it in as the man who would be wolf, Halle Berry can’t quite seem to believe she has a gold statue on the mantle and still has to honor a pre-Oscar contract, and even Sir Ian strikes one as a tad above it all, making trucks, bridges and assorted weaponry magnetically move with the grandiloquent flick of a wrist, yet falling back on his fascist “Richard III” characterization for histrionic locution and eye-twitching, cheek-dropping facial expression. Only first-timer Kelsey Grammer seems to be having any fun at all, while everyone else seems marginally irritated by especially early make-up calls.

Originator Bryan Singer (who left the series to make the latest “Superman” incarnation) seemed to truly believe in the substance and significance of this world, while his heirs seem blatantly more concerned with cash cows than mutant-inspired allegory. Some dazzling visuals and a whimsically insightful worldview this time around fails to surmount truncated and poorly connected storylines, platitudes pontificated, relationships uncharted, and generally indifferent and lackadaisical filmmaking.

If, like me, you’re a fan who simply can’t resist, be sure to stay through the closing credits for a “trilogy into a quartet” coda.

As Sophia Coppola knows all too well, the third time around is far too often not the charm but the curse.

More Movie Info: http://imdb.com/title/tt0376994/

The Da Vinci Code

Grade: B-

It may just be that the 40,000,000 of us who read and reveled in the book didn’t really have the right to expect any better.

A rip-roaring, barn-storming page-turner, the Dan Brown novel had at its center an enigmatically charismatic protagonist, plot puzzles spanning multiple languages and numerous centuries, indecipherably deciphered anagrams, inflammatory artistic, spiritual and historical interpretations delivered in pose-striking soliloquy, character schizophrenia and sleight-of-hand, identity traumas and leaps of faith galore. Not unlike the cryptex (a cylindrical device invented by Leonardo Da Vinci for transporting secure messages) that features so prominently, it would have taken the filmmaking equivalent of Alan Turing to 1) wet nurse a screenplay adaptation intricate enough to satiate the mind, faithful enough to satisfy the diehards and ingenious enough to actually make sense; 2) find the delicate balance between spoken declarations and descriptive visual imagery; 3) cast and direct the perfect stable of actors able to ignite the scenery without actually chewing on it; 4) find the right composer to score the mystery/thriller with giddy intensity rather than reverential pomposity; and, 5) make it all lift off the page like Da Vinci’s helicopter and soar across the screen like Da Vinci’s hang glider.

Nine out of ten directors couldn’t have truly pulled it off (as we’ve learned with most of the “Harry Potter” translations) so one must ask if it’s fair to blame Ron Howard for not being the one in ten. Admit it, we all heard about this project with something akin to incredulous hope.

Workmanlike yet still entertaining, over-long yet never labored, Howard has respectably and respectfully recreated the book for film, faithful if never divine. Relying on his dependable bag of tricks, letters and numbers pop off the screen three-dimensionally a la “A Beautiful Mind” and overexposed and choppy black and white photography a la “Cinderella Man” provides clarity in exposition and flashback. A violin-pulsating score by Hans Zimmer too often reveals our hearts should be palpitating instead of placid, and editing by Daniel Hanley and Mike Hall too often disorients instead of elucidates. Any combustible controversies about the hidden nature of certain religious sects or the relationship between history, faith and dogma fizzle under confusing hyperbole and overstuffed plotlines. One lone Arthurian moment in the film’s finale briefly touches the heart and makes one long for the film that might have been.

Dull and flat performances (Tom Hanks and the usually luminescent Audrey Tautou) intermingle with broadly bombastic heavily accented ones (Paul Bettany and Alfred Molina) making for an odd mixture of bored bemusing fascination. Then Sir Ian McKellen enters the fare, and with a twinkle in his eye and a very welcome flair inserts some genuine fun and personality into the proceedings. He seems the only one able to add some gravitas without taking it all too seriously, and the film sags severely under the weight of his absence.

As someone who read the novel and still found it all rather difficult to follow, anyone thinking they will understand the fame and infamy of the book by attending the movie is likely to be disappointed.

The trade paperback is available for less than the price of a ticket.

More Movie Info: http://imdb.com/title/tt0382625/