FAME

Grade: C

As re-envisioned for the CW.

Remember how we all thought the TV series was a little tepid compared with the film? Here we’re talking milquetoast.

Updated around the fringes to include rap music, hand held video cameras and the occasional texting during class, it’s the same basic story as the original film sans any grit or personality. Harmless but bland, if the kids from "High School Musical" had kids with the kids from "90210," they would end up something like the kids from "Fame 2009." The white kids are all really, really white, the black kids sing hip hop but still seem even whiter than the white kids. The teachers are either prototypically hardass or trying to get their students in touch with their feelings, the parents all reduced to ranting on a theme (either pissed because their kid is going to the school and will never get a real job, or pissed because their kid wants to sing rather than play classical piano, or pissed because their kid started dating the boy from the wrong side of the tracks).

“Auditions,” “Freshman Year,” “Sophomore Year,” “Junior Year” and “Senior Year” still flash on the screen, but this time around are mostly differentiated by changing haircuts.

The young thespians range from serviceable to interchangeable, only Naturi Naughton distinguishes herself for a beautiful rendition of “Out Here on My Own” and “Fame,” which plays only during the closing credits. The only songs retained from the original film, they are also far and away the best. Inserted songs range from unmemorable rap or House music to a closing graduation number reminiscent of those annually penned and always drippy season finale numbers on “American Idol.” Teachers Bebe Neuwirth, Kelsey Grammer, Charles S. Dutton, Megan Mullaly and Principal Debbie Allen (promotion!) all dutifully raise their hands as present but add nothing, and Mullaly proves she can lip-synch as terribly – even worse in fact – as the newcomers.

The seedier aspects of the 1980 film have all been sharply dulled – instead of a topless Irene Cara crying her way through a videotaping pornographer questioning her professionalism, here a former student questions the professionalism of a female student for refusing to perform a make-out “scene” on video with him. CW. The romances have all been hormone deprived – instead of the heat and passion ignited in a painfully shy and awkward teenager by a tortured, angry nonconformist, here she ‘aint nearly as shy and he’s as happy as a clam and as cute as a button. CW. A student filmmaker gets involved in a scam so obvious there’s no way he could have maintained the C average required to stay in school, a docile wife finally stands up to her overbearing husband once she hears her daughter sing, and the fact that anyone is gay doesn’t even rate a mention much less a plotline. CW.

And yes, Debbie Allen is indeed heard saying, “You want fame? Well fame costs. And right here’s where you start paying – in sweat.”

Excuse me while I go watch “Gossip Girl.”

More Movie Info: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1016075/